Coffeemancers

The Reliquary

The Coffeemancer Store

All prices in roasted beans (ᵬ), the only currency the Temple recognizes. All sales are final, chiefly because none have ever occurred.


The Temple apothecary: a keeper at work amid shelves of jars, kettles, grinders, and gleaming brewing engines
The Reliquary at matins. The Keeper is in; the relics are not going anywhere, and neither is he.

The Chalice of the First Sip

Gilded cup said to keep any brew at precisely the temperature of gratitude. Faint choir audible when filled above the halfway mark.

ᵬ 1,200

Vial of Sacred Crema

Harvested from a single perfect shot pulled in 1998 and never repeated. Do not open. Do not shake. Do not doubt.

ᵬ 340

Grounds-Reading Divination Kit

One white cup, one saucer, one booklet of omens. Predicts change, journeys, and — with uncanny accuracy — more coffee.

ᵬ 620

The Arch-Coffeemancer’s Gilded Scoop

Measures exactly one scoop, every time, regardless of how your morning is going. Whiskey’s spare. He wants it back, eventually.

ᵬ 890

Incense of the Roastery

A candle that smells of first crack at dawn. Burns for forty hours or one very productive deadline, whichever comes first.

ᵬ 450

The Holy Book, Illuminated Folio Edition

All fifteen chapters on genuine vellum-ish paper, rubricated by hand, blessed twice. Smells faintly of Yirgacheffe.

ᵬ 2,400

The Temple store is a shrine, not a shop. Nothing here can be purchased, shipped, or returned — but everything may be freely coveted, which the Order has ruled is not technically a sin.